Reduce tension at home

"I admired PM Badawi's (who has lost his beloved wife yesterday) 40 year's marriage. And how you organize your marriage for 30 over years?" One of my clients asked me.

After a moment of informal conversation, I read from his eyes that he must be having some family problems resided. He finally told me that he had been cooped with "cold war" with his wife for many years.

For the sake of helping him, I shared him some tactics of how to reduce tension at home.

Couples who have great marriages aren't lucky, they were dedicated. It's a partnership of hard-work in common believe fabricated at the mercy of understandings.

First and foremost, I condemned him as an idiot of the total gross. Why? Because I know him well of his "bull" character (no talebearing).

Well, actually what's the cause of a high percentage of home tension? Miscommunication and lack of tolerance.

Soul mates are created over the course of day-to-day living. How to communicate well is a big lesson. Simple rule is first to evaluate each other's character, then use the "acid test" method to create a besting way of talking.

For example, if your partnership is just like a chicken and duck relation, you've to use a straight forwarding method to talk, in addition with body language. If your partnership is like a pair of professor and junior student, a theoretical way of talking will not do.

Don't completely believe what love guru's says and don't just take other's case as a blueprint. You've to approach communication completely different ways. The ways that’s applicable for your partnership relation.

A simple phase of requesting something - "pass me that thing" can be refined into hundred ways of expression. Do try yourself by attaching few affixes onto the space of prefix or suffix. Or using passive voices. The sensations will totally be different!

Chinese proverb said, "if you respect me 3 marks, I'll repay you with 4 marks of respects." It's a basic of courteous regard for people's feelings. If you use "please" then you'll get a return of "Ho" (okay), a human character of natural responding.

The next is tolerant. Anger is very real in all of us. A life without anger is unrealistic. Man used to @!&$% and woman used to gag with tear and blowing nose.

Quite often that I used @!&$ as a prefix into my talking with friends and I gained back a courtesy of another $&!@. And curiously friendship became closer. But the application of same way into your partnership life will only bring you a Vietnam war or Berlin wall.

Anyway, “self-control” is the keyword of good remedy.

Disagreements or conflicts wouldn't 100% be resolved with win-win situations. Otherwise there would be no Iraq war. When come to a dead-lock situation (where x+y=0), the healing way is one party should have to dissolve or absorb or taking a reverse gear (if x=0). Since it's of lady first, man gonna to take the loser's end! (therefore y=0)

Chinese depicting it as "zhik hwang lean“ (eating yellow lotus seed - takes it) of which is good for man's health! Why not, man, thinks it over!

When angry, count 3; when very angry, swear; when very very angry, go elsewhere; after angry, bring back some ware; finish angry, love affair. - put3put4.